Midget Idjit Tour is a raging success!!!

YAY!!!! POW!!!

So the Midget Idjit forgot she has a super important, world renown blog and a staff of 25-30, and evidently took her staff with her to the Conga Room. I thought I'd help her out, so she can go home right away and wake up refreshed in the morning. Tila, dear, all you have to do is copy and paste, I even added a couple of 'moguls' and 'POWs', in keeping with your style.

OMG the first venue on my worldwide international tour was a HIT. The Conga Room was packed and there were 20000 more people waiting outside to get in, but we managed to finally get everyone in. There were so many A-List celebs that everyone thought for sure it was the Oscar awards or something, but they all came out to give your girl Miss Tila some love and I am too tired to tell who they all were but they were all mega famous and they thought my song Blue Dress was off the chain and even though the tickets were $3567 each, so many of the celebs said it was the best 3 song concert they ever heard so they gave me more money.

So many people thought I was Billie Holiday except for the voice, the clothes, the fact I'm not black and the fact I'm not dead. I totally wow'd the crowd and there were so  many celebs crying that 9Head had to run to CVS for more Kleenex.

Everyone bought my EP and said it was the best ever and they all said I was the hottest mogul they ever saw and they all like me and none of them were fat or jealous.

Uh oh, somebody's a liar!

Okay so Princess Dumbass is tweeting, and apparently she thinks all of us are as stupid as her.  See, Tila, unlike you I can both READ and DO MATH.

LOL okay we all know that's a lie, but let's just look at the sitemeter she SO CLEVERLY hid in her html because OMG WE ARE ALL STUPID AND CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT TILA YOU ARE SO SMART.

Don't believe me?  See for yourself.  I especially like that the average visit length is 43 FUCKING SECONDS.  Gee, why don't I see a number anywhere near 800,000 on here?

Oh Tila, your bullshit is just ADORABLE.  You do realize that Perez probably has you blocked so he doesn't see the @'s you constantly send him on twitter, right?  And you DO realize that, regardless of what your idiot fans tell you, he hasn't spoken of you in MONTHS, since that Chris Brown tweet, right?

No, you're too busy looking like a fool.  An obsessed, unwashed fool.

LOL.  Cuntscab.

Tila on KTLA

Tila was on KTLA this morning. YOU GOTTA WATCH THE VIDEO. YOU GOTTA. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. She forgets the words to her own songs and can't figure out how the mic works and...oh God. Such a fucking TRAINWRECK!

Here's the link. I'm trying to get the video to just post it here for you guys.

That is all.

Ooh does this work?
 

YEAH! Muchos gracias to Spiked Tequila. Go read her blog, too.

Here is some random stuff

First of all, Uncle Eddie wants to say YAY FATTY!  We finally snagged that bitch Fatty McFatterson to write for us, and you can see her first post here.  That makes a total of 4 writers here at the Rotspot, which is no where close to Tila's 20 blogwriters, but we do a better job so figure that one out.  Also, lots of you have professed your joy at us getting Fatty to write for us, saying you love her comments.   We actually do not like her comments, but she paid us each $2 and a pack of Marlboro reds so SOLD AMERICAN, am I right?  JUST KIDDING FATTY, WE LOVE YOU!

Okay so moving on.  The other day someone alerted me to the fact that Tila isn't quite the first gossip blogger in her neck of the woods.  It's none other than my 9headed boo himself, Mr. Bradshaw!  OMG!

And look, he wants to dethrone Perez too!  Isn't that precious!?  Jesus you two, get an original idea.  And no, I don't mean taking credit for fads that already existed, like androgyny (and I'm not even kidding you guys, Bradshaw takes credit for that, as well as the whole chain thing).  I can't believe they're STILL trying to dethrone Perez.  Jesus.

Anyway, that just made me laugh, and you know how Uncle Eddie loves him some 9head.  Any time I can post on it you know I will because I basically worship it in church every Sunday and this is like penance for all the horrible things Uncle Eddie has done.  Church of the 9head - Join us, won't you?

Speaking of the horrible things Uncle Eddie has done, last night I was watching Tosh.0 and they showed a clip of a man who spent 6 years injecting his penis with silicone and I had to scour the internets to find this video!  (Yes I linked to it, suck it).  Anyway, as I was searching the Tosh.0 blog, I came across this GEM (lol Bradshaw speak) regarding a certain midget meth-mouthed mogul's blog!

"As she says 'There has been many celebrities that I know a lot of juicy, dark secrets about.' [sic]  Celebrities like, um, Tila Tequila.  And, uh, the chick who died who i was supposedly married to or whatever."
And
"Oh, and around the 1:30 mark, she suggests that she might get naked on the site too...because that's what reputable journalists do!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love showing you guys the random shit I find because I know we all share a good larf over it.  But let's get to the MEAT, okay?

So yesterday, before inundating us with "OMG MY ALBUM IS OUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND PROFOUND AND I OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN BECAUSE MY ALBUM IS NOTHING LIKE THAT," Tila gave us the heads-up that Katy Perry was named #1 by Maxim's Hot 100.  I didn't go to the blog because, well, Tila sucks, but I did catch the opening paragraph on Facebook (and thankfully that's all you really need).

As you can imagine, most of the comments were as the ones you see here, with a few fans still kissing Tila's ass in the hopes of recognition...or tit pics, or nude ustreams.  Because these fans are too young to know that a mere google image search of "Tila's tits" unleashes a whole bounty right into your computer's screen.  And no, even though I linked to the man who spent 6 years injecting his wang with silicone, I am not going to link you to a google image search of "Tila's tits."  PRINCIPLES, PEOPLE, I HAS THEM.

Anyway, if you're like me, you might be thinking to yourself that Tila sounds just a wee bit bitter in her article.  It might be the random POW!!!!!! stuck in there, just a hint.  I wonder why Tila would be bitter about something like that?  Oh wait, no, it probably has to do with the la times writing this:

HA!
Thanks go our girl Monique, aka MissTilaOMG on twitter, for commenting with this link
Oh, to live in Tila's world, where everything surrounding her is "beautiful," and "profound," but only to Tila.  To everybody else it's crab infested and smells like old beef jerky that's been slathered in mayo and left in the sun too long.
Hey, anybody got $2 I can borrow?  There's this really beautiful and profound CD I wanna buy...I have some neighborhood kids I wanna torture.  Thanks in advance,
Love,
Uncle Eddie

P.S. Here's a really good article on Tila's EP: Click it, bitches!

Tila's World-Renown Midget Idjit Tour!!!

Bare with me RotSpotters, I'm not a blogger like our gal Tila. I don't have the word "POW" in my daily vocabulary. I always thought a 'mogul' was a bump in the middle of a ski slope. All I am is a big fat ugly bitch who is passionately jealous of a $2 hooker tramp with loose morals and looser labia. But, that's just me. Thank you to my fellow RotSpot bloggers for giving me this opportunity to share my hate.

Let's get to what we're here for, my first Meth Tila blog post!!! YAY! 

Tila's EP dropped tonight. Even though she's been promising it for over a year, and she had to scramble to get some PR in before it actually launched, it's already a full-on 5-STAR SUCCESS!!! If you don't believe me, check out her celeb blog and all the 'critics' who have reviewed it. It's gotta be good if people like Tiffany_1998 likes it, right?

Tila shouts out a big blowout wingding at The Conga Room, complete with a personal burlesque show opening for Tila's big night. Wow. Impressive. Tila says there will be lots of celebs showing up, but somehow forgot to namedrop them. Hmmmm. Let's see what the best tickets in the house cost. Must be a typo, only $10-20. Well, I'm sure that's the upper end of the spectrum right? I mean The Conga Room is offering $600 cocktails, they have to be expecting a few folks from the upper crust, right? Hmmmm. Something doesn't seem right. Right here on www.congaroom.com, there's another big wingding next week with Chino y Nacho. Never heard of them, but evidently they can pull in $25-45 ticket prices. How can Tila's most exclusively priced tickets be LESS THAN Chino y Nachos general admission seats? A couple weeks later, Inspector plays to the crowd for $25-40 a ticket. A week after is El Gran Silencio for $25-45, same with Sonora Carruseles. OK, enough of this charade, BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Tila's show is the lowest on the totem pole for the next 2 months, and she's trying to hype this as some major event.

I hope someone from the 'resistance' attends the show (I'm sure we can scrape together the $20 exclusive seats for you), and reports on it. Don't forget to take your camera and your autograph book so we can see all the A-list celebs!

One last note: oddly enough Tila's $20 seats are the absolute farthest from the stage. It seems odd that the most desirable seats are so far away until you read the fine print "due to crabs flinging out of Tila's vagina, the management cautions against front row seating. Penicillin shots and jello shots are available at the bar."

Tila's amazing EP! 3 whole songs!

But is only one of them hers?

As you can see in this picture, Tila's EP consists of 3 songs:

Blue Dress, Get Me Off, and Walking on Thin Ice.

So obviously Blue Dress is a song by Depeche Mode, as much as Tila does not want this fact to be true. But What about Walking on Thin Ice? Right now I only have the 30 second preview on JunoDownload to consider...but it sounds an awful lot like the Yoko Ono song of the same name.

I can't say for sure until tomorrow. This "much awaited" and "highly anticipated" EP isn't even up for preview on iTunes yet. Just wanted you guys to know.

Go here to preview the song, then go here to listen to the Yoko Ono version on Youtube and tell me what you think.

So far...I'm thinking it is. WOW TILA YOU RELEASED ONE FUCKING ORIGINAL SONG. Good job, Princess Dumbass.

Update!! Ladies and gentlemen...we have confirmation:

Here, see for yourself:

My homeboy Shinosuke Nguyen on Facebook gets credit for this, but we're all going to start calling her EP "Welcome To Miss Tila's Shitty Karaoke Party" now. Just so you know.

UPDATE #2!!! 
MissTilaOMG over on twitter reminded me of this article:

You know, back in February (back when this album was supposed to drop in April...) she would have already known which tracks were going to be on it.  Is she really trying to say that Yoko Ono's "Walking on Thin Ice" is hers?  Tila, didn't you learn your lesson when you tried telling everybody that "Blue Dress" was yours?

Guess not.

The World Weeps as Tila Continues to Assault our Ears.

Hi kiddies, Uncle Eddie here, bringing you the latest in fuckery from our favorite Methed-out Midget Mogul Millionaire. Time to reach on back into the vaults for some good ol' Tila history!

So yesterday Tila tweeted us with this:

Oh no! Well, that is a crime! No promotion? Wait, did she do promotion for "I Fucked the DJ?" I don't know if she did or not, but she assures us that it's doing pretty well over on iTunes:

Oh well that's good, Tila. I was worried for a second! I was really, really hoping that your horrendous single WAS "doinf quite well."

Oh wait...

This was taken TODAY, May 10. 2 stars, Tila? Still a shit-load of negative comments, Tila? You call that "doing quite well?" Oh wait, I get it. As long as Tila says it's so, most of those Army tards won't think to question it. Ah, makes sense.

So anyway, in the wake of her 2 star single, Miss Tila has an EP coming out tomorrow! And she couldn't do any publicity for it since it was SO SUDDENLY DROPPED ON HER AT THE LAST MINUTE.

You guys wanna see how long she's been talking about this EP?

Okay let's go!

This tweet came to us on April 21, 2009. Hmmm.

So around that time, she starts telling us what her stage show will be like. Seriously guys, it is LOL hilarious. You ready for it? It's fucking CRAZY.

Good Lord! I remember when I found those tweets, and I sent them to TRS, and we both just stared at them...I mean, what do you say to such obvious mental bullshit? I think at that point you just call the men in the white jackets who give Tila that special jacket so she can hug herself all the time!

Okay so around that same time she continues tweeting:

Notice she doesn't mention anybody by name? Like "the guitarist from Guns N' Roses." That's probably because if you said "I have Slash working on my new album..." (or the new guy - look, Uncle Eddie doesn't like to acknowledge the new Guns N Roses because it makes him sad, okay?) you'd have Slash laughing at you and calling you a liar, Tila. Anyway, we've gone from "Jessica Rabbit style music" to "Kill Bill style."

Um...

Okay moving on!

She says it again, in case you missed it:

She was probably on this kick because, as we all know, Tila is mega famous and does tons of movies!

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. Oh, don't worry, I have tons of tweets like that, too, but that's for a post at a different time.

Continuing...

Uh oh, I think somebody lied about that...

Again, did you forget that Tila is super mega famous? YOU DID? Well shame on you!

How dare you forget that?!

LOL 2, Tila? HAAHAHAHA. Really now, Tila. You're such a bad liar. Too bad the Resistance wasn't really around then to call you on your bullshit. THANK GOD WE ARE NOW! *waves* HI PRINCESS DUMBASS!

Hey you guys see how she's talking about Blue Dress? Ugh, as if we haven't had to go over that 1,000,000 times. You guys already know it's not hers, so I won't insult you with telling you again. But Tila will!

LOL "my song" huh? Okay. It's extra funny because Tila posted the video of her screeching like a cat in heat oh wait, I mean SINGING Blue Dress today!

Oh and recently she's been promising to tour again. I know all of you realize she does this all the time, but here's a really old one that's FAR TOO EASY to debunk:

Yes, this was supposed to be after her EP released last summer.

Here's a fine example of what is going to be on her "album" (it goes back and forth from being an "album" to being an EP, notice that?)

Goddamn. And I thought the lyrics to "I Fucked the DJ" were bad. (hint: THEY ARE BAD. These are slightly less bad.) I like how she says she wants to credit herself as song writer. NO SHIT TILA. Who else would write such fucking TRIPE!?

Wait, you know what's missing? Tila isn't name dropping like she usually does! I mean, she's hinting at "the guitarist from Guns N Roses" and stuff, but I need some good old fashioned Tila name dropping! What about you guys?

OMG I feel so much better. It's funny how way up there at the top, in the iTunes reviews, somebody said Tila is worse than Soulja Boy. I bet that person didn't even know they used to be friends! I say "used to be" because I have no idea if they still are. Tila used to tweet him all the time. He probably eventually saw through her like everybody does and dropped her ass. Dude, that's pretty bad.

Hey guys, wanna hear from Jane?

I know, it doesn't really have anything to do with this post. But she does say "Welcome Back to the Darkside," so maybe Tila is planning on blaming this epic bomb of an album/EP on Jane? Plus, NGL, I just love Jane. If Tila were Jane all the time I would rejoice.

Wow, I've finally come to the end of my Tila History lesson! (read: I'm sick of this shit) I know, we didn't learn much today, except for the fact that Tila is obviously a huge liar. Sorry Tila, but you've obviously had time to promote this stinker since you've been talking about it since LAST YEAR. Do I think it will drop tomorrow? Um...well it'll probably drop SOON. I can't guarantee tomorrow after the atrociousness that went on with her pushing back her blog over and over again. It'll probably do as well as her single "I Fucked the DJ." Hey, when you only have 6 fans worldwide, it's hard to sell an album/EP, okay? Give her a break.

Besides, coming up soon is a very special day for Tila. I'll definitely be posting on it that day (it's the 13th, so make sure you check back Thursday!).

Love you bitches, I'm out!

Update!!! 
Our loyal reader Isis commented with a link to Tila's EP on Junodownloads.  Here's the screencap!  3 WHOLE SONGS, ONE OF WHICH IS BLUE DRESS!!  LOL!!

Tila loves the Rotspot!

Hey guys!  Just finished watching Betty White on SNL and if you didn't see that shit, you need to make sure you go to nbc.com first thing tomorrow and witness the funniest shit that has ever been put on TV.

ANYWAY, you know how we've been saying since Tila's fail blog launched that she checks our site constantly?  Okay, so remember when it first launched and I made this post saying exactly WHY the blog sucks?   Okay, go to #8.  It says:

 "At least Perez Hilton knows how to use Google when he can't spell someone's name."

Well check out what Tila posted today!  Thankfully she spams her facebook up the ass so I didn't have to go to her fail blog to see this.

That's right, Tila.  

"Myiam Bailk .. Myum? Meeemam…hold on let me Google this shit — y’all know I be spelling stuff wrong, and y’all be going INNN…LOL…..HOLD BIATCHES!!"

For fuck's sake Tila, could you make it any more obvious?  And since you're prone to taking Uncle Eddie's advice, let me tell you about all the fame you'd achieve by swallowing all the pills in your apartmansion.  Seriously Tila, everybody would talk about you!  You'd become like, a martyr to your retarded Army of children!  OMG your name would be everywhere!

Seriously.

Finally, something not about the fail blog!

Oh thank God, Uncle Eddie didn't have to go to her OMG OF ALL BULLSHIT fail blog to give you guys this update.

So have you ever seen Reality Bites? Remember that scene where Winona Ryder is interviewing for that job, and the guy asks her to define irony and she can't?

Irony: Tila Tequila instructing people on how to find love. Next up, Tila will teach us all how to exploit people, ruin them, and them dump them (or better yet, leave them alone to die without their medication).

So then earlier today, my 9headed boo Mr. Bradshaw opened up his formspring to answer some questions. I'm sure wading through all the questions about his chola brows and "light" bedazzler usage was exhausting, but one of them caught my attention:

Tila Tequila records, aye? That's funny, because a few weeks ago Princess Dumbass made a post over on the hotspot blowing sunshine and lollipops up her new cashcow's ass.

You might notice that right there, top paragraph, it says:
So I know I haven't talked much about my newest artist I signed to my Record Label (its no longer called Tila Tequila Records, There's a new badass name and symbol I came up for it, well, my friend did, that I am getting trademarked and copyrighted as I a typing this, but you shall all know soon what my record label will be called)

She posted this soon after people started warning Rob about her and her "non-existent record label." Hmm, I wonder why Bradshaw wouldn't know that? Don't you think his precious gem Tila would clue him into a big change like that?

Oh but no, Tila, you sure are 10 steps ahead of us. Is that why we correct the shit on your blog? Because you're so far ahead of us? Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Is that why you sent us that Cease and Desist order via email? How's that workin' out for ya, anyway?

Hey girl, it's not our fault that you can't keep your lies straight.

More people angry at Tila for her fail blog

So...looks like Tila is pissing people off right and left by copying and pasting their work on her OMG OF ALL BULLSHIT blog.  Check out this article written by Dave Lieberman for OC Weekly, who is justifiably annoyed with Tila for copying and pasting his Cinco De Mayo post.

How long can this possibly continue?  How much longer are people going to let this happen before they file the appropriate legal action against her stupid meth face and force her to shut her stupid bullshit down?

Thanks to our loyal reader Deluwiel for the heads up.

Copy and Paste do not a gossip blog make

I think, really, all of her entries that aren't only about her must be completely stolen from some other site.  Case in point, today Tila posts this:

Wow Tila, here's a couple of things I noticed.
#1: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT.  Her name is RIGHT FUCKING THERE ON THE COVER OF THAT MAGAZINE yet you still spelled it incorrectly.

#2:  Gee, those look like footnotes!  But your article doesn't have any footnotes, Tila!  Hmm...

Tila, that's Daisy Low's wikipedia entry.  DOES IT LOOK FAMILIAR?

YOU COULDN'T EVEN ERASE THE FUCKING FOOTNOTES, TILA?!

#3: Wikipedia is not a credible source, Tila.  You are complete fucking fail.

I mean, is this what your blog is going to be?  You regurgitating fucking Wikipedia entries and acting like it's fucking news you came up with?

I really think the world would be a better place if she would just die.  Especially if it were really slow and painful, like from an illness.

Thanks to my homegirl Daria for the heads up on this shit, and shoutout to my girl in the comments there!



Update! Princess Dumbass fixed the spelling error in her post! Aww, it's really too bad I already capped it and put it up here. Gee...

Picture Gallery

Every day, somebody sends good ol' Uncle Eddie a picture they've made of the psychic midget mogul monster.  They're usually pretty good but today I got two that made me LOL so hard I thought I was going to die!  I just had to share them with you guys, our loyal readers and fellow "haters."  These are by my homie "Onethousand BabyDaddies" on Facebook.  Enjoy!

I AM IN LOVE WITH THESE PICTURES.  The quickest way to my heart is to display Bradshaw's epic 9head.  And the best part is that Tila gives us an endless amount of pictures to do this to!  Wanna see how a mogul acts in Vegas?

Here we have Miss Tila, showing us where fake babies come from     showing off her crab farm     showing off where Charlie is hiding (lol Vietcong joke)     showing us where it burns ACTING LIKE A MOGUL while performing at the Luxor in Vegas.  They later had to burn these couches because Tila's snail trail never washes off.

Ew I grossed myself out.

Update!  Okay by popular demand, here is another HIGH-LARIOUS picture of Tila on her Luxor Mogul tour.  

 LOL omfg.  Her face is hideous, the crowd absolutely ISN'T paying attention...
Oh and you wanna see something funny?  This is how she tried to spin it to everybody:

 I dunno, maybe it's a different crowd?  That crowd is certainly not wowed.  That crowd is BORED.  And I love how she's all "oh I totally wowed the crowd but I can't post pics because...uh...oh my computer crashed!  Yeah, that's it!  My computer crashed!"  Sure Tila.  It's not because you're the skankiest of trainwrecks in Vegas.  

Dude, can you imagine?  Being the biggest skank in a town KNOWN for skanks?  I bet every time she went up to her hotel room the security guards thought she was one of those escorts advertised on those little cards. 

Whoo! Crack Rants!

Da na na na na na na na
Da na na na na na na na
CRACK RANTS!
You see?  It's like Batman, only it's TILA!  God, I'm witty.

So anyway, Uncle Eddie went to see Iron Man 2 tonight, and suddenly I feel my phone going freaking NUTS in my pocket.  I couldn't help it, I had to check (it's a dick move people, don't turn on your cell phones during a movie unless you're slick about it) and my girl Daria was BLOWING MY SHIT UP telling me that Tila was going on a crack rant!  And even though Uncle Eddie needs to rest his eyes, he had to tell you.  In case you missed it.

Let's start at the beginning.  @Antifakebitch over on twitter found this tweet made by my full retard (or "full retahhhhh" as he calls it) buddy, @ProphecyHipHop.  This guy seriously might be the biggest douchebag on the planet, no joke.  Anyway, a few days ago he tweeted this:

Prophecy, aka Garry Sun, will make you roll your eyes so hard your brain will bleed.  He makes all new age thought painful and ridiculous.  Anyway, he's the same guy that took all those ultra-classy and glamorous (read: mogulicious) pictures of Tila shopping at Ralph's in her lingerie.
Anyway, so fast forward to tonight.  Here it comes, people, get ready for it!

Okay, that's normal enough, right?  I mean, I've never seen that movie because it just LOOKS sad, and I don't feel like making myself cry.  But oh, Tila isn't going to let us down.  Just when you think shit is normal POW! (lol)...

LOL!!  Oh I hope WE are the bad people she's talking about!  Oh I hope I hope I hope!  Oh Tila, that would just make my day!  And I know TRS and Gnome would just pee their pants with joy!

So let me tell you, you don't even know how many messages I got by excited people thinking she was going to start talking about suicide again.  And that got Uncle Eddie's hopes up.  But don't get discouraged guys.  Maybe she's got like, some fatal illness that nobody knows about...

And on that note, Uncle Eddie is going to catch some Z's!

Oh wait, no, let me show you this real quick.

Eh oh FUCKING el.  Obviously Tila's gossip blog is the numba one gossip blog IN THA WORLD OMGZ LOLZ.  That's from today (well I guess technically yesterday, but I haven't gone to sleep yet), May 6th, 2010.

Good night, bitches!